Music captures feelings that words struggle to articulate. Selecting meaningful music for a funeral or memorial service can create a deeply personal tribute that honors your loved one’s life and comforts those in attendance. Films have long understood this power, offering inspiration for how music can transform a moment of remembrance into something truly unforgettable.
The Power of Music in Mourning
Seattle radio station host John Williams turned to music when he lost his mother more than 20 years ago. He created the show “Music Heals: Grief” on KEXP soon after, a way to help others feel less alone when facing death and dying. The three-hour show, which airs every November, explores music and stories about what it means to grieve.
Williams recalls the story of a father who requested that Pearl Jam’s “Just Breathe” be played in memory of his son. “Once you’ve looked a man in the eyes as he holds a box with his child’s belongings in it, that song takes on a different meaning for the rest of time,” he says.
The song’s lyrics—“I’m a lucky man to count on both hands the ones I love”—give voice to gratitude even in the depths of grief. One fan on Pearl Jam’s Facebook page wrote: “This is what everyone kept saying to me at my husband’s funeral, Just Breathe. I am going to get that tattooed on my wrist, to remember to Just Breathe through the hard times.”
In an article in the New York Times titled “The Case for Music,” hospice chaplain Chris Sikora tells of his friend Brian, who died in a car accident. Brian’s uncle wrote a song for the funeral. “That song spoke for me when I could find no words,” Sikora recalls. “It knew my heart better than I did. It didn’t try to pull me out, it met me where I was.”
This is what the right music does at a funeral—it meets us where we are.
What Music Can Do at a Service
A thoughtfully chosen song can evoke cherished memories, provide emotional release, and express feelings that seem impossible to put into words. Music creates moments of reflection and connection among mourners, celebrating the unique personality of the person you’ve lost. It can make the unbearable feel, for a moment, bearable.
Drawing Inspiration from Cinema. Movies understand something profound about funeral music: it doesn’t have to be traditionally somber to be meaningful. The best film soundtracks demonstrate that music at a memorial can convey the full complexity of grief—the sadness, yes, but also the love, the celebration, and even the humor.
When You Need to Express Deep Loss
Some moments demand music that acknowledges the weight of grief without trying to soften it. Samuel Barber’s “Adagio for Strings” has appeared in films from “Platoon” to “The Elephant Man” precisely because it doesn’t shy away from sorrow—it holds space for it. The piece’s slow, climbing progression mirrors how grief itself feels: heavy, persistent, but somehow moving forward.
“Four Weddings and a Funeral” (1994) pairs W.H. Auden’s devastating poem “Funeral Blues” with simple piano accompaniment, showing how minimalist music can underscore rather than overwhelm powerful words. Sometimes a spare piano melody says more than a full orchestra.
For contemporary songs, Ed Sheeran’s “Eyes Closed” captures a specific facet of grief that many recognize: the surreal experience of expecting to see someone who’s gone. After losing a close friend in 2022, Sheeran wrote on Instagram: “I haven’t posted anything coz I can’t find the words, I can’t reply coz I don’t know what to say.” He found his way through music instead. The song explores “losing someone, feeling like every time you go out and you expect to just bump into them, and everything just reminds you of them.”
When You Want to Celebrate a Life
“The Big Chill” (1983) broke the mold by opening with The Rolling Stones’ “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” during funeral preparations. It’s an unexpected choice that balances sadness with the complicated, sometimes contradictory emotions of remembering someone fully—their flaws and their brilliance, the disappointments and the joy.
“Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” uses Cat Stevens’ “Father and Son” during Yondu’s funeral in space—a moment that’s simultaneously heartbreaking and spectacular. The choice works because it reflects who Yondu was: rough around the edges but ultimately devoted. Your loved one’s favorite music, even if unconventional, can become the most powerful tribute.
Sometimes celebration means embracing humor. More people than you’d think have successfully used AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell” at funerals. When it works, it’s because it captures the deceased’s personality—their irreverence, their refusal to take life too seriously, their ability to make others laugh even in dark moments.
When You Need Hope and Transcendence
Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” has become one of the most requested funeral songs, and for good reason. His gentle ukulele arrangement transforms Judy Garland’s 1939 film classic into something both mournful and hopeful. The song’s themes of longing for a better place resonate deeply with ideas of peaceful rest. When Kamakawiwo’ole himself died, his own funeral featured this recording—a man singing at his own memorial about going somewhere over the rainbow.
Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven” was written for the 1991 film “Rush” after his four-year-old son Conor died in a tragic accident. Clapton channeled his devastating grief into the song’s lyrics, which ask questions any parent who has lost a child would ask: “Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven? Would you hold my hand?” The song expresses both the unbearable pain of loss and a quiet hope for reunion. It speaks particularly to those mourning a child, offering comfort through its honest acknowledgment that grief and faith can coexist.
When Heritage and Culture Matter
“Killers of the Flower Moon” incorporates traditional Osage mourning songs, while “Past Lives” features Korean funeral music. These films remind us that honoring cultural heritage through music connects the deceased to their ancestors and community in ways that transcend individual grief. If your loved one had strong cultural ties, traditional music can acknowledge their full identity and history.
Making Thoughtful Choices
The music journalist who spoke with John Williams about “Just Breathe” said something worth remembering: once music is played at a funeral, it changes forever. The song becomes inseparable from that person, that loss. This isn’t a reason to avoid meaningful music—it’s a reason to choose carefully.
Start with their favorites. If your mother loved Ella Fitzgerald’s version of “What a Wonderful World,” play it. If your brother was obsessed with a particular indie band, use their music. Authenticity matters more than convention.
Consider who’s attending. A room full of jazz enthusiasts will appreciate something different than a traditional church congregation. A memorial for a young person might call for contemporary music that their friends will recognize and find comfort in.
Think about emotional flow. Like a good film soundtrack, your service’s music should have an arc. You might begin with something contemplative as guests arrive, build to more emotional pieces during eulogies, and end with something that releases tension—whether that’s uplifting or simply beautiful.
Don’t be afraid of the unexpected. Maroon 5’s “Memories” was written in 2019 to honor a friend who died, but it’s based on the harmonic sequence of Pachelbel’s “Canon in D” from 1680. Old and new can coexist. Classical and contemporary can speak to each other. What matters is meaning, not category.
Practical Considerations That Actually Matter
Decide on live vs. recorded music early. Live musicians add a personal touch but require coordination with the funeral home about sound equipment and timing. They’re also more expensive. Recorded music is more predictable and budget-friendly, but make sure you have high-quality recordings—a bad speaker system can undermine even the most meaningful song choice.
Check with your funeral home about technical capabilities. Can they play music from a phone or do they need CDs? Is there a sound system or do you need to bring portable speakers? Will someone be designated to manage the music during the service? These logistics matter more than you’d think in the moment.
Create a detailed playlist with timing notes. Don’t just list songs—note when each should be played and how long each runs. “Amazing Grace” during the processional (3:45), “What a Wonderful World” during photo display (4:20), etc. Share this with whoever is managing audio so there are no awkward silences or mistimed moments.
Have a backup plan. Technology fails at the worst times. Burn a CD as backup, download songs offline to your phone, or bring multiple devices with the playlist loaded. If you’re relying on live musicians, know what you’ll do if someone is sick or delayed.
Consider copyright and recording. If you’re recording or livestreaming the service, some platforms may mute copyrighted music. Inform attendees in advance if you’re livestreaming so they know certain songs may be silent for online viewers. Alternatively, check if your funeral home has licenses that cover streaming.
A Personal Performance. In “A Star Is Born”, Lady Gaga’s character performs “I’ll Never Love Again” as a tribute to her late husband. It’s raw, imperfect, and devastating—and far more powerful than any polished recording could be. If you or someone in your family plays an instrument or sings, consider performing something at the service, even if your voice shakes. The imperfection is part of the tribute.
Final Thoughts
There are no right or wrong choices when selecting funeral music. What matters is that the selections feel true to the person you’re honoring and meaningful to those who loved them.
The choice of music at a funeral won’t bring anyone back. But it can express what we cannot say. It can connect us in shared emotion and help us begin to imagine moving forward. Just as filmmakers understand that music often expresses what words cannot, thoughtfully chosen music at a funeral can honor memory, encourage reflection, and remind us that love continues even when presence doesn’t.
Or as that father holding his son’s belongings understood: sometimes we all just need to remember to breathe.
Carrie Campbell
Graceland Cemetery Blog
Graceland Cemetery in Valparaiso, Indiana, can help you through every step of the end-of-life process. Contact us for more information about burial, cremation, and funeral services in Valparaiso and Porter County, Indiana.